Dating tips for a fat guy

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Body politics and dating are very tricky because people have opinions on who should be dating whom, but most of these opinions are often built on myths and judgments they subscribe to — even though they’d be too embarrassed to say them out loud. For some people, “fat” is synonymous with “ugly,” — I’ve been called “fatandugly” before, almost as if it was one word. That a woman must be smaller than the man she's with. Why don’t we ever give big men a hard time for dating slender women? As a big girl, I work so hard to manage my body image issues and I work even harder not to let those issues ruin my relationships.I’ve seen too many of my Plus-Size Princesses convince themselves that they’re not worthy of certain types of guys, when that’s just not true.And this man just doesn’t light my fire in that way.I’m attracted to nearly everything about him but his size. So he doesn’t light my fire, and doesn’t feed my ego in the company of strangers. It might be great at first with some guy you don’t like that much otherwise. A guy you don’t like all that much anyway whom you don’t like to fuck much either anymore. Quiet your mind and wait for the answer to come to you. I hate myself even for admitting it; it’s just so superficial. Insight is a complex computation; it can take days on our little computers. Some things are painful and sad and wrong but nonetheless true. Perhaps the overflow of models, actresses, and beach bunnies is contributing to Los Angeles’s perpetually landing on lists like “Worst Cities for Women Looking to Marry.” Our “norm” is a practically unattainable standard.I have never been “the norm.” I have been overweight all my adult life (see also heavy, curvy, voluptuous, fat, “BBW” — whatever term you want to use).

Finding love is always challenging, but it’s especially hard in a city with tunnel-vision-like focus on appearance for someone who doesn’t match the high standards set for beauty in Los Angeles.

Before I met him, people warned me — both implicitly and outright — that because I opted to only date the men I found attractive (novel idea, right?

), that I was a "superficial fat chick." They said if a guy was attracted to me, I should be grateful! I kept my standards high started dating a Dwyane Wade look-a-like. What if their emotional connection and understanding of each other is breathtaking? These crazy myths will have us thinking we don’t "match” with certain people even if they’re interested in us — what does that even mean?

I wrote this for the Bold Italic, for whom I had a short-lived freelance writing career.

They wanted something honest about being my size and dating in Los Angeles.

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